why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
