Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
