please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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