bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
