why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
