shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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