White coat. Heels.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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