So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
