Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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