I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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