stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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