This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
