I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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