How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
