Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
