Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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