Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
3 2 1 whiskey
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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