dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
