Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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