Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
