Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
