Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
