I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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