Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
