I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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