i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
