When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
