we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
