I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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