I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
