Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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