Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My dick has a subreddit
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
