She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
