Nicole vs. Life
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
