She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
