I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
