There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
