my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
