After last night, I could never be a politician.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
