so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
