I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Jerry, you need to find god
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
