i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
