Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
