if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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