Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
