my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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