i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
