i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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