Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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