I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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