sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
